Not Dead......Just been busy

Greetings fellow Warriors, after a very short break i have returned to the Kingdom of Blogdom and am now here for your amusement.

Just a reminder, over there ----------->  To your right (Or special left in some cases) are months, click on one of them and you can see previous blogs (6 for November)

It's been a busy few weeks, we went over to Wales 2 weeks ago for our annual pilgrimage to the Hard Rock Hell Festival. Now this years was truly a great event, One of mine and The Wenches' (More about her later) favorite bands were playing, Black Stone Cherry.
Now the whole weekend didn't entirely go to plan, we arrived on the Thursday, and personally, my intention was to take it easy on the Thursday..........I got shitfaced :-(
Friday comes around, and due to the excesses of the previous day the plan was to take it easy, was all going well until 11am when making a large coffee to sober myself up i put quite a large measure of Bailey's in instead of Milk. Shitfaced again but this time with some memory of shoving 25 MarshMallows into my mouth on Camera to win a competition!! :-(
Come the Saturday and i just decided to go with the flow and ended up......you guessed it......SHITFACED

Against my better judgement i have decided to publish a few lovely pictures of the weekend

These 4 guys came running over to me and asked if i was the famous Scud, and if they could have a picture with me, the same 4 guys headlined the Saturday night, some little band called Black Stone Cherry

And here is our Motley Crew, some are missing but hey, that's tough

I'm not even going to try and review any of the bands, i think i'll leave that to the pro sites, mainly because i'm not getting paid!

Last weekend my son came over and stayed with us for 5 nights, sounds pretty normal I hear you all say, but he was over on leave from Afghanistan where he is part of the Bucket & Spade Sandcastle Alliance (All joking aside, he is actually on leave from a 6 month tour of Afghan at the moment).
I was hoping he would have brought me a lovely gift from the land of Terry Taliban but alas, the only thing he bought us was some form of bird flu, The Wench and i have been on our death beds for the past week.

I will get my own back on him though by publishing his 'CUM FACE' on this blog :-)

I even taught him how to drink on Saturday night, It was going so well until around midnight when he decided to part with all the contents of his stomach over the pub floor. I honestly don't know if i was so proud to out drink a 20yr old squaddie or mortified at the lack of drinking prowess my son has!

Now this all brings me onto my next topic (How exactly my son throwing his guts up leads me onto Charlie and the Chocolate Factory i don't know, but we're here now so let's just go with it.....OK?)

For some ungodly reason I was watching Tim Burton's 'Charlie and the Chocolate Factory' the other day and it annoyed me, it annoyed me to the point that i just wanted to go out and throw stones through Old People's Windows, because I now have proof that Old People are liers (hard word to spell check that one!) and will resort to anything to get what they want.
Take this move, we'll call it CATCF for short, The old Grandpa guy is a wreck, he just lies in that bed all day with his wife and In-Laws playing footsie and being waited on by his daughter and Grandson (Charlie). All he does is moan moan moan, about how he can't walk far etc, then the miracle cure happens, no, it's not Cocaine.
Charlie finds the Golden Ticket and gets a tour of the Factory, and asks Grandpa Fraud if he'll go with him.
Well fuck me sideways with a goat, The old Fraudster is up out of that sex pit of a bed and dancing round, all because he's going to a Chocolate Factory, he's Dancing, Singing, Running and Walking, when 5 minutes earlier the old fraudster couldn't even walk 5 feet without Pissing himself!!!
So there you have it Boys and Girls, don't trust the oldies!

Another TV Show that really really gets on my tits is Dogg The Bounty Hunter, now for those of you who have not seen this it's about a guy called Dwayne, his nickname is Dogg, he runs his own Bail Bond Firm and he is a Bounty Hunter. 90% of his staff are all his own Inbred Family, the other 10% are just retarded.
Now in nearly EVERY programme the camera crew will follow Dogg and his team in there attempt to capture a criminal who has failed to answer his bail.
When Dogg and his team are in a briefing on how to best capture the criminal they will nearly always say the following words "We have to capture him/her as we can't have this type of scum running loose on our streets:
I may be wrong here, but i seriously doubt it, WHO THE FUCK BAILED THESE SCUMBAGS OUT OF JAIL IN THE FIRST PLACE??? Yep, you guessed it, Doggs' Bail Bond firm!!! You honestly couldn't make this shit up!

After coming back from Hard Rock Hell Festival last week i thought i'd post up this flyer from Coachella Festival back in 1969, Next time I go back to Wales I will slap my Dad around the head for not going to this. What an awesome line up

I honestly would cream myself every 10 minutes faced with a line up like this, just shows how bad Festivals are nowadays.


Now I leave you good people with my picture of the week, and there's a lesson involved here, PUNCH THE KIDNEYS, THE BRUISES DON'T SHOW ;-)

Calm this Shit down People!!!!

Greetings my fellow earthlings, time for a new blog, no more about that evil Sister of mine, just back to normal here.

Now if ya feel the need to read the last few entries (There's only 5) then see over there, to the right ------------>
There's the month 'November', click on that and it should let ya select an entry (make sure ya get the right hole though as if not it could end up messy)

So what's been going on with me, fuck all really, i've 3 shifts left before i'm off for 2 weeks, heading over to Wales on Wednesday, a nice 3 1/2hr ferry ride, just hope the sea's nice and rough.

I took this picture the other night from the 9th Floor of Google's new building, you can really see how low our city is, no tall skyscrapers etc

I had quite a few idea's this week about what to put in the blog, now it comes down to it can I remember? Can i fuck!!!
Was driving into work tonight and was held up with Traffic outside The Point (The O2 Arena for you corporate whores) as Rhianna was playing there, now i'm in 2 minds of should i go down there later with a huge sack and a length of rope, she'd look good in my gaff, i'm sure of it.

The Wench (more on her later) and i went for a walk around Malahide Castle with our boxer a few weeks back and I took this picture, now as soon as i saw it i shat myself, MOVING PLANTS!!! WTF!! Is this Day of the Triffids or something?

I was thinking back the other day about some of the jobs i have done, and for about 4 years of my life, not so long ago, it was pure violence. I worked as a Bailiff for 4 yearsa nd as Doorman/Head Doorman for 8 years. Mon- Fri 9-5 was bailiff time, 3 nights a week on the doors, it was hard but so much fun, i could honestly write a book on some of the shit that happened, be it funny, violent, sad or downright sick!!
One of the fun times we had was in The Tivoli in Buckley, One of my oldest friends, Dogg, was watching my back from the stairs while i moved stealthily (!!!) around the dance floor telling people to fuck off with there glasses (it was a pain having smashed glass on a dance floor).
Anyway, i go up to this group of 6 lads, all drinking, and tell them to get off dancefloor with there glasses, i turn around to another couple and Dogg see's these 6 lads all raising there hands at me, like they were giving me the finger.
Without thinking Dogg comes running down and starts grabbing these guys, i join in and we throw the lot of them out of the Fire Exit, we dust ourselves down, job well done, and resume our positions.
5 minutes later we're both called to the front door by the Head Doorman, with him are these 6 lads, they were not giving me the finger at all, they were sign languaging to each other as they were all deaf and dumb......OOOOOOPS.

We went Christmas Shopping this week into the City Centre, after around 2 hours of aimlessly wandering around just buying crap we went for a coffee, but this was no ordinary coffee, as soon as i sat down (In the window seat), a fight between 2 junkies broke out just 6 foot on the other side of the glass.
Now some people would be scared, disgusted even, I WAS ECSTATIC :-)
Coffee AND entertainment!! I couldn't get my phone out quick enough to record it

Awesome, i can upload video's, the world is now my Oyster.

I nearly forgot, i had a harrowing experience last Saturday, i went to Tesco to do some Food shopping, now i should have figured something wasn't quite right when i saw 8-10 St Johns Ambulance people (Or Mata's Cross as they're called here) sitting down in the cafe having a cup of tea.
I turned the corner and there it was, about 500 teenage girls, all dressed up like dogs dinners, queuing up inbetween a load on intricately placed barriers, this could only mean one thing, Ronan Keating (well, it would have been him about 20 years ago). Apparently some Gay band called One Direction were doing an instore signing. Now i just carried on with my shopping, and totally forgot about it all.
60 minutes later and 2 very hard decisions over whether Shitake mushrooms actually caused your shit to ache i was at the tills to pay. Just as the lady (i say that in the loosest possible terms) behind the counter scanned the first item this rabid throng of girls STARTED FUCKING SINGING!!!
Now the creature scanning my shopping just went slower and slower, in all i must have heard about 812 verses of some shite song by some shite band i've never heard of.

The worst thing about this Tesco Experience, i never did find out if Shitake Mushrooms caused your shit to ache :-(




As i mentioned earlier, on Wednesday i'll be making the trip across the Irish Sea to Wales, will be staying at my Dad's on Wednesday night then on Thursday it's a short 20 minute drive to Pontins Holiday Camp, HI DI FUCKING HI CAMPERS INDEED. Sure i'll have plenty of stories to tell (and video's to post)

I leave you all with one last thought, in picture format

My Evil Evil Sibling

Normally i keep my Blog very very light hearted and try to keep it as humorous as possible, unfortunately i'm unable to today as i'm so fucking angry.

I have a Sister, 2 yrs younger than myself, we used to get on just fine as it was just the 2 of us, but over the last 5 years + or so she's changed into an evil, thieving piece of dirt.

A couple of the major things she has done are as follows :-

Around 4 years ago my elderly Grandmother was in Hospital, My Sister started acting the doting grand-daughter and took my Grandad up to the Hospital to see my Nan, she dropped him off and said she'd be back in an hour, in that hour she was straight down to the ATM withdrawing the maximum daily limit of £600, the total amount she stole that time was in the region of £6,500.
My Grandad found out about this a few months later, and went to the bank, they said that they could get him the money back if he pressed criminal charges, which is something that he would not do, so it was written off. I know that broke his heart, one of the reasons he ddn't want to press charges was that he didn't want my Nan to find out.
The strange thing about it is that my Grandad was such a nice, caring and generous person that if she had asked for the money he probably would have given it her!!

She also stole in the region of £15,000 from the bar that her husband and his brother owned, she did this by forging bank statements and withdrawing the cash, he is now divorced from her and is well shot of her, he really is a decent guy and didn't deserve any of this.

My Nan, who died earlier this year, had £1,000 stolen from her bedroom a few years back, what she was doing with that kind of cash lying around i don't know, but it went.
When it went missing my 'loving' sister pointed accusations at my ex, who was cleaning her house for her, now my ex and I have had a lot of problems in the past and it definately hasn't always been amicable, but as soon as her name was mentioned i knew for a fact that she hadn't taken it, and told my family that. The thief on this occassion was never caught, but 2 and 2 definately makes 4 in this case.

Quite a few cheques were also stolen from my Grandad, a few were cashed, the rest were stopped.

After she left her husband she moved in with another Guy, around 6-8 weeks ago he had £9,000 stolen from his safe, it was her again, my Dad bailed her out and paid him off on the understanding that she would pay him back, EVERY cheque that she wrote him bounced, now he is left with a £360 per month bill from his Credit Card which he paid it with. What beggars belief is that this guy didn't dump her sorry arse, they're still together!!

Yesterday it came to light that 5 cheques from my Dad's cheque-book were missing, 4 had been cashed, totalling £800, the fifth one has been stopped by the bank. She has told my Dad this afternoon that she will be declaring herself bankrupt on Monday and he will get his money back then, WHAT A LOAD OF BULLSHIT.
I worked as a Bailiff for 4yrs and know the bankruptcy laws inside out, the main creditors will be sorted out first (loans etc) then whatever is left will be paid out to other debts, like my Fathers, he will be lucky if he gets 10p in the pound back, and paid at a stupid rate of £5-10 a week, yet again she has manipulated him into believing he will get all his money back.

At the moment he still says he is going to the police, that is the best thing as the matter then becomes a Criminal Case rather than a Civil Case, and a court can order her to pay this money back that she has swindled.

3 weeks ago, before this final cheque business (Bouncing and Stolen) came tolight she tried to Gas herself in her flat, now it was a staged attempt as she knew for a fact that people were coming round and would 'save' her, she did this a few years ago when she was caught stealing from the pub. It's just an attention thing, so she can play the 'Poor Sick Me' card and that people will go easy on her.
When i heard about this latest attempt (and i use the word attempt in the loosest possible terms) i told my Father that she had done something else and was close to being caught, i know her, she's my sister, i know how she works, and i was proved right with this weeks revelation.

The only thing that will stop her is the involvement of The Police, that is what she needs and that is what she deserves.

I am sure there are many many other thefts that i am not aware of, but it will all come to light very very soon.

What goes around surely does come around, and it definately will in this case, especailly with my involvement

Now the following has all been added after i remembered other instances, how could i forget these one's!

Approximately 4 years ago, over a period of time, she stole £22,000 from her husbands bank account, and £8,000 was withdrawn in cash from his Credit Card.

Here's a little list of what we know of.........so far

Husband Bank                      - £22,000
Husband Credit Card           -  £8,000
Husbands Pub                      - £15,000
Grandad ATM                     - £6,500
Grandad Cheques                - £1,500
Grandma's Bedroom           - £1,000
Father's Cheque Book         - £800
New Boyfriend                    - £9,000

These figures are more or less correct, give or take a few pounds here or there, i'm sure's there's more but htis is just family and her new fella

This adds up to £63,800, 63 fucking grand!!!!!

Now if she's going bankrupt there are obviously a lot more debts, the above figures that have been quoted are 'probably' not going to be included in any bancruptcy case.
It is very very odd for anybody ever to bankrupt for less than £50,000, so taking this as what she owes to other financial institutions etc (minimum amount) then the total amount she has stolen/loaned is in excess of £110,000!!!!!!!

UN FUCKIN BELIEVABLE


Now, as an update, just when i thought it couldn't get any worse it has, The evil bitch's job is as a carer to a Blind Guy, i've just learned that she has stolen in the region of 1,500 from him!!!
Actually stolen from a disabled Blind Man!!!!!1 How fucking low can you get

My own personal War

**WARNING : IF YOU HAVE A TOE PHOBIA YOU'D BETTER NOT READ THIS**

My son, Dan, is currently in Afghanistan with the Armed Forces, this got me thinking earlier about what a shitty thing War is, decided by politicians but carried out by ordinary people.

I started thinking even harder and realised that some years ago i had my own personal war, a war which i proudly won, it was against my ToeNails, I'll call it World War Toe (See what i did there?)

I was about 15 when i first got Ingrowing toenails, horrible little bastards they were, hurt like nothing else, and when people stood on your toes (which seemed to happen often) it usually ended up with me running off to the nearest toilet for a good old cry.

I had a few operations on each toe, where they just removed the nail, hoping that they'd grow back normally, both ops failed. I removed them myself the 3rd time with a pair of pliers, mainly due to the fact that the operation was booked, but 3 weeks before that i was going to George Best's Testimonail Football (Soccer to you American Neanderthals). Rather than stand for a few hours on a packed terrace with my dodgy nails i decided on the DIY route.

BASTARDS GREW BACK AGAIN!!

For my 3rd and final operation i told the surgeon to remove them, roots and all, which they did rather well. I also took a small pickle jar in with me and asked if they could put them in there for me to keep as a souvenir, which they obliged!

Now a full Toe-Nail, with a root, is an ugly thing, and in this jar it resembled something out of the 'Alien' films. The problem i had now was where i was going to keep these little beauties, so i did what any other sane person would do, and took them into work with me and kept them on display on top of my Lathe (A big engineering machine that made nice shiny metal things).

I swear they grew over the 3 years they were there, when i was made redundant i left them on top of my lathe, knowing full well nobody would ever go near them, maybe they're still there today??

Now if you think i'm bulshitting here, below is a picture of my 2 big toes, The Wench (More on her later) gets so freaked out about them, on holiday, when i wear sandals, i'm told that i also have to wear socks, makes me look like a Priest on a Boy Scouts camping trip.

So there ya have it, my Nail-less Piggies :-)

I told my eldest daughter Becky that i was writing a Blog and she demanded a mention, there ya go, 15 words back and your name's checked, now you must stay in Uni for the full 3 years and invite me over for Freshers week next year so i can cause havoc.

My youngest daughter Jess started College in September, she's doing a child caring course, after the first week i asked her how she was getting on, what she was doing, you know, the usual bollocks.

Her reply was that she'd spent 3 days painting pictures and playing games, i shit you not, in college and that's what they do nowadays! I was just waiting for her to tell me they also had an hours nap in the afternoon just before they drank there carton of milk!!

I'm sure that i'll write about Jess again in coming blogs as some of the things she comes out with is pure Comedy Gold.

Now it's time for a new section of my blog, that i'll be ending with in future, it's called 'I'll be Burning in Hell for this one'

Gloooooop :-)

I have just discovered the greatest invention EVER, how i have lived the past 34 years (well, i'm close to 34) without it i'll never know. I don't even know what to call this shit, some of you may already have known about this stuff for years but to me it's all new, like when you discover a new food. THIS STUFF IS MY NEW FOOD.
It's a weird pink colour but changes when it gets warm/cold, is like a rubbery texture and even better.......IT FUCKING BOUNCES!!!!!! I've been sitting here for hours now just plodding on with my work and squeezing me new BFF. It's getting to such a stage now that The Wench (More about her later) may even get jealous.

Here it is, gonna have to think of a name

I was thinking along the lines of Mary, or does she look like a Julia??

Now it's only 4 weeks until we go back over to Wales for the Hard Rock Hell Festival, it's on in a Holiday Camp, and the accommodation is a chalet, has bedrooms (important), toilets (very important), kitchen (extremely important) and shower/sink (not so important as after 10 pints you don't want to smell much different from the other 5,000 metalheads). These chalets are built on 2 floors, first year we had a ground floor, last year we had a 1st floor.
Now it was a pain in the hole carrying all our gear up to the First Floor so today i did something rather naughty, I emailed the organiser and requested we have a Ground Floor room as The Wench (More about her later) nearly brained herself last year when she nearly fell off the balcony after over exerting herself on a Space Hopper. Luckily Fleur agreed to our request, i could hardly tell her it was only because i wanted to set off some Super Duper Rocket Fireworks and be back inside by the time they go off and scare the shite out of the local residents (Average age:106).

OH MY GOD, Life has just got better, i now have Mary (Yep, that's decided) AND some Curiosity Cola, the best drink ever to grace this earth (Behind Bovril)

This stuff is the Dog's Bollox (For any Yanks reading this it means it's good) of drinks, it's also Alcoholic Cola, 0.5% by Vol to be precise, i figure that if i drink (let me work this out,1 regular can of lager is 4%, so 8 of these in 1 regular can, would take maybe 10 cans to get me merry) 80 bottles of this stuff i'd be quite Happy and be on the hunt for a sheep.

Well my break in Work is now nearly over so i'd better get back to the grind, 4.5hrs to go then i'm off for 7 whole days, 7 whole days in which to annoy the shite out of The Wench (More on her later)

Bye Kiddo's

Picture added

I didn't know how to go back and edit so here's a picture for the above post

Day 1

Well i thought i'd start this Blog on Day 1, not MY Day 1 of course, because if that was the case then i'd still be shitting green poo, wearing a nappy, sucking my mum's boobie and unable to write.
Anyway, i don't really know what to write in one of these things so let's go through my life so far.

Birth
School
Children
Loved One
Dublin

That's about it i suppose, add a little bit of Sheep Shagging and Anal fisting of Donkeys and it about sums me up.

My week so far has been pretty good i suppose, I met a living legend (and asked him what his favourite type of Cheese was, more on that later), Went away for a nice night with The Wench (She will be introduced later) and went to a launch night of a new Smartphone and got a goodie bag full of womens crap (Do i look like a woman?)

So went into the City (About 10 miles or 3hrs drive depending on traffic) on Thursday to go to this HTC Rhyme launch, i'm a sucker for free shit and i was promised a goodie bag worth 50Euro, inside it was a pair of tickets to 'Girls in the City' (A daft ass event for women), some nail varnish, lip balm and a bar of chocolate. Waste of time that turned out to be. Bastard HTC people

On the way home from said event I heard on the radio that Duff McKagan would be signing copies of his new autobiography in Eason's, now my exact words to the wench were "It's going to be too busy, no point in going", or was it "Ah there'll be nobody there, we'll be in and out in 10 minutes", i guess i must have said the latter cos as usual i was wrong.

So 8 hours (maybe an hour, but it felt like 8) later, we're still in the Queue to meet Duff, we're the next people to reach the stage and guess what, they make an announcement "Sorry ladies and Gentleman, Duff has to go now", well, that would have been the shits so glad that didn't happen, he just said he was coming down off his 1ft stage to mingle with us commoners as it would be a lot faster, taking his life in his own hands he descended into the throng (about 40 of us left) and began signing.

Now i first saw this guy live with the original GnR line up in '88, he's a total legend, i get a pic with him and what do i ask him? "Duff, What's your Favorite type of Cheese? WTF!! Where did that come from?? It was Swiss by the way.

So i'm now nearly completing my 2nd night shift out of 4, then i'm off for 7, which should be great fun, i've got some Zebra spotting planned for 1 day, and Bocker Fishing for another, should be fun.

I do have some pictures to add to this when i figure out how